Week1
Day 1 Much to Live For
热爱生活，让生命的体验成为一段美丽的乐符。翻开书页，睁开双眼，用心体会这优美 的语言, 聆听这智慧的声音。
There is so much I have not been, so much I have not seen. I have not thought and have not done or felt enough—the early sun, rain and the seasonal delight of flocks of ducks and geese in flight, the mysteries of late-at-night. I still need time to read a book, write poems, paint a picture, look at scenes and faces dear to me. There is something more to be of value—something I should find within myself—as peace of mind, patience, grace and being kind. I shall take and I shall give, while yet, there is so much to live for—rainbows, stars that gleam, the fields, the hills, the hope, the dreams, the truth that one must seek. I’ll stay here—treasure every day and love the world in my own way!
[注释]：
seasonal delight: 季节性的喜悦
mystery : something that is not fully understood 秘密，谜
grace : a characteristic or quality pleasing for its charm 魅力，优雅 rainbow : a graded display of colors 虹，彩虹
gleam : to emit a gleam; flash or glow 闪光；闪烁或发光；闪耀
Day 2 Yao Ming: New Center Style
“你怎么就知道我明年来就不是状元秀了呢？” ——2001 年随国家队赴达拉斯集训，有记者问及“今年参加选秀有可能是状元，没参加是否遗憾”时如是说。 “什么时候他们能把中文讲得那样好我们就厉害了！”——在更衣室采访的时候亲耳听见科比夸赞他英语好，大姚却轻叹一口气。 这就是姚明
If 20 years ago you asked the average American basketball fan if a Chinese man could play center for an NBA team, his answer might have sounded something like this: “Ha ha. No, he’d be too short!” But now, the doubters are silent. Who closed their mouths? Houston Rockets, 2.26-meter-tall center Yao Ming, from China. Yao Ming grew up in a family of basketball players. When he was 12, Yao Ming started going to an athletics academy outside of Shanghai and later spent a lot of time studying NBA games televised in China. All this has paid off. Yao’s first NBA honor was his ranking as number-one draft pick, and he’s been elected for a Rookie-of-the-Month award. Yao Ming has a style different from those of tall centers in the past. He rarely goes for the flashy slams. He’d rather show off his silk-smooth free-throw shots, or use his height to pop in jump shots from the three-point line.
[注释]：
doubter : 持怀疑态度的人
athletics : activities, such as sports, exercises, and games, that require physical skill 体育运动 academy : 学院
televise : to broadcast or be broadcast by television （电视）播放
pay off：还清，赢利
ranking : of the highest rank 排名
draft : a system in which the exclusive rights to new players are distributed among professional teams （美国）职业运动的选秀
pick : the act of selecting or choosing; choice 挑选
rookie : a first-year player, especially in a professional sport 新秀选手
flashy : cheap and showy; gaudy 花哨的，华丽的
slam : to hit something with force; crash 灌篮
show off：炫耀
pop in：投入
Day 3 Tall Tale
关于吹牛，中国文化和西方文化的幽默方式真是不一样。西方文化注重逻辑严密，而中 国文化讲求整体性和模糊性。下面这段话请你仔细想一想，是真的吗？
A friend told me this story. He can stretch the truth a bit, so I’m not sure whether to believe him. But on the other hand, truth can be stranger than fiction! What do you think? Two brothers were watching a horror film on video late one night. One brother dozed off and dreamed that he was being chased by the crazy man from the movie, who was trying to kill him. In the dream, he hid in a cupboard. There was no sound except his heart pounding, and he had no idea where his crazed captor was. He was terrified! At that moment, the video finished, and his brother put his hand on the shoulder of his sleeping sibling to wake him. The shock at that tense moment was enough that the sleeping brother suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly.
[注释]：
stretch ... a bit：夸大事实，言过其实
horror film：恐怖电影
doze off：打瞌睡
cupboard : a closet or cabinet, usually with shelves for storing food, crockery, and utensils 橱柜 pounding : 跳动声，重击声
captor : one that takes another as a captive 捕捉者
terrified : deeply afraid 恐惧的
sibling : one of two or more individuals having one or both parents in common; a brother or sister 兄弟，姐妹
massive heart attack：严重的心脏病
The answer：
Of course it’s not true! If he died instantly, how would anyone know what his
dream was about?
And think again:
There is a girl behind each boy, and a boy behind each girl. How many children
are needed to do this?
The answer：
It can be done with just two children: only one boy and one girl are needed if they stand back to back!
Day 4 Nanotechnology: Beyond Your Wildest Dreams 纳米技术带来的变化，将超出你最疯狂的想象。应用纳米科技，我们可以移动一颗颗原 子，把它们放到我们想放的地方。这样，在理论上，我们就可以制造出任何我们想要的东西。 例如，通过移动煤炭里的原子我们可以制造钻石。多么令人惊奇！当然，目前纳米技术还没 有发展成熟。
Nanotechnology is the science of moving individual atoms around and putting them precisely where we want. Since everything is composed of atoms, by doing this we can, in theory, construct anything we want. For example, by moving around the atoms in a piece of coal, we could create a diamond. Currently, nanotechnology is still quite crude. Scientists can alter the properties of things like plastics or cloth to make them harder or softer or more durable, but they can’t build something new from a collection of atoms. Why? Well, because things are made up of billions of atoms and it takes too long to move them around. So, the next big step in nanotechnology will be building machines that can do this automatically. Once we have these we should be able to make almost anything with no waste and no pollution, at very little cost. Scientists think that the first “Universal Assembler” might be built in around 15 years.
[注释]：
nanotechnology : 纳米技术
individual : of or relating to an individual, especially a single human being 个别的，单 独的，个人的
atom : a part or particle considered to be an irreducible constituent of a specified
system 原子
precisely : in a precise manner 准确地；明确地
be composed of: 由„„组成，由„„构成
construct : to form by assembling or combining parts; build 建造
currently : belonging to the present time 目前
crude : unripe or immature 未成熟的
alter : to change or become different 改变
property : a characteristic trait or peculiarity, especially one serving to define or describe its possessor 特性，属性
durable : capable of withstanding wear and tear or decay 耐久的
billion : 十亿(的)
Day 5 Jimmy: Picture Books for Adults
迷宫般的城市，习惯看相同的景物，走相同的路线，到达相同的目的地；习惯让人的生 活不再变化；习惯让人有种莫名的安全感，却又有种莫名的寂寞。而你永远不知道，你的习 惯会让你错过什么。
《向左走，向右走》，一个发生在城市—— 只可能发生在城市的、关于追寻的故事。作者以
一种淡淡的、幽默的笔调缓缓述说，在故事情节与画面中制造城市生活中的种种“巧合”，
让人在阅读时感到既熟悉又惊讶，不自觉地发出会心一笑⋯⋯
Artists and authors use many different ways to talk about society; many write novels, while others paint pictures. An artist in Taipei has found a different way to talk about life, people, and the problems we all face. His name is Jimmy Liao, and he creates illustrated books. Jimmy is both an illustrator and an author. He draws all of the colorful pictures in his books and writes all of the storylines. His small paperback books usually have only one or two lines of text per page, the rest being filled by his cute, simple drawings. Simplicity is one of Jimmy’s strong points; he doesn’t lose the reader in complex plots or dialogues. Jimmy’s books speak to readers about the ups and downs of living in the modern world. One of his most popular stories, Turning Left, Turning Right, tells of a short romance between a couple that live next to each other. The lonely pair meet one day in the park and immediately fall in love. When they leave each other at the end of a fun-filled day, they exchange telephone numbers, but the rain causes the numbers to become illegible. They are unable to contact each other, and soon return to their lonely lives. Sad, right? Don’t start crying yet; there’s a catch to the story. You see, this man and woman actually live in the same building! The problem is, when they leave their apartments, one always turns to the left, while the other always turns to the right. The result is that they never realize they are
neighbors. The lesson of the story? Life is in the details: things that seem small and insignificant can actually turn out to be important. And this is another of Jimmy’s
talents: he shows his readers how the “little things” in life are often more important than we realize。
[注释]：
illustrate : 画插图
illustrator : 插图画家
storyline : 故事情节，故事大纲
paperback : a book having a flexible paper binding 平装本，纸面本
drawing : the art of representing objects or forms on a surface chiefly by means of lines 线条 画
simplicity : the property, condition, or quality of being simple or uncombined 简单
plot : the plan of events or main story in a narrative or drama 情节
ups and downs： 起起落落
romance : a love affair 恋爱，罗曼史
illegible : not legible or decipherable 无法辨认的，字迹不清的
contact : to get in touch with; communicate with 联络，联系
catch : a tricky or previously unsuspected condition or drawback 圈套，陷阱
insignificant : lacking in importance; trivial 无意义的，微小的
talent : a marked innate ability, as for artistic accomplishment 才能
Day 6 A Tale of Two Cities (excerpt)
狄更斯在《双城记》一书的开头就说，“这是一个最好的时代，也是一个最坏的时代”。 妙哉斯言！这段文字中多个平行句所表达的希望与绝望、光明与黑暗、理想与现实一直深深 地打动读者。文中句型的反复、形式上的对偶、内容上的对比、总体结构上的平行（排比），
都值得我们细细体味。
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times; it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness; it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity; it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness; it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair; we had everything before us, we had nothing before us; we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way.----Charles Dickens
[注释]：
wisdom : a wise outlook, plan, or course of action 智慧，明智的行为，学识
epoch : a particular period of history, especially one considered remarkable or noteworthy age, era, period 新纪元，时代，时期
incredulity : the state or quality of being incredulous; disbelief 怀疑
despair : to lose all hope 绝望，失望
查尔斯·狄更斯（1812—1870），英国大名鼎鼎的作家，是19 世纪英国现实
主义文学的主要代表。他笔耕一生，靠勤奋和汗水创作出《大卫·科波菲尔》、
《双城记》等世界名著。他的作品以妙趣横生的幽默、细致入微的心理分析
以及现实主义描写与浪漫主义气氛的有机结合而著称。
Day 7 Two Poems
下面是两首著名的小诗。桑德堡的短诗《雾》曾在各种媒体上广为传播，是美国家喻户 晓的名作。而在米莱创作的许多优美的抒情诗中，被引用最频繁的是《第一颗无花果》。 Fog
The fog comes
on little cat feet.
It sits looking
over harbor and city
on silent haunches
and then moves on. -----Carl Sandburg
First Fig
My candle burns at both ends,
It will not last the night,
But ah my foes and oh my friends
It gives a lovely light. ----Edna St. Vincent Millay
[注释]：
harbor : a sheltered part of a body of water deep enough to provide anchorage for ships 海港 haunch : the hip, buttock, and upper thigh in human beings and animals 腰
fig : any of several trees or shrubs of the genus Ficus, especially F. carica, native to the
Mediterranean region and widely cultivated for its edible multiple fruit 无花果
candle : readily bent; pliant 柔软的
Time for fun
商业广告（Advertisement ）中不乏文字精炼优美，内涵令人回味的佳作。
且大都朗朗上口，易于诵记。下面选录了一些著名品牌的经典广告词。
Time is what you make of it. (Swatch)
天长地久。（斯沃奇手表）
Make yourself heard. (Ericsson)
理解就是沟通。（爱立信）
Start ahead. (Rejoice)
成功之路，从头开始。（飘柔）
A diamond lasts forever. (De Bierres)
钻石恒久远，一颗永流传。（戴比尔斯）
Connecting People.(Nokia)
科技以人为本。（诺基亚）
Let's make things better.(Philips)
让我们做得更好。（飞利浦）
Mosquito Bye Bye Bye.(RADAR)
蚊子杀杀杀。（雷达牌驱虫剂）
Good to the last drop. (Maxwell)
滴滴香浓，意犹未尽（麦斯威尔咖啡）
Obey your thirst．
服从你的渴望。（雪碧）
Things go better with Coca-Cola. (Coca-Cola).
饮可口可乐，万事如意。（可口可乐）
The choice of a new generation.
新一代的选择。（百事可乐）
Take time to indulge．
尽情享受吧！（雀巢冰激凌）
The taste is great.
味道好极了。（雀巢咖啡）
To me， the past is black and white， but the future is always color．
对我而言，过去平淡无奇；而未来，却是绚烂缤纷。（轩尼诗酒）
Just do it.
只管去做。（耐克运动鞋）
Feel the new space.
感受新境界。（三星电子）
Intelligence everywhere.
智慧演绎，无处不在。（摩托罗拉手机）
Let’s make things better. (Philips)
让我们做得更好。（飞利浦电子）
No business too small, no problem too big.
没有不做的小生意，没有解决不了的大问题。 （IBM 公司）
Week2
Day 1 Youth
20 世纪初塞缪尔·厄尔曼写的这篇不足500 字的短文《青春》一直为世人倾倒，过了 这么多年它的魅力依旧。因为它给予了一种启示，教我们如何美好地生活。
Youth is not a time of life; it is a state of mind; it is not a matter of rosy cheeks, red lips and supple knees; it is a matter of the will, a quality of the imagination, a vigor of the emotions; it is the freshness of the deep springs of life. Youth means a
temperamental predominance of courage over timidity of the appetite, for adventure over the love of ease. This often exists in a man of sixty more than a boy of twenty. Nobody grows old merely by a number of years. We grow old by deserting our ideals. Years may wrinkle the skin, but to give up enthusiasm wrinkles the soul. Worry, fear, self-distrust bows the heart and turns the spirit back to dust. Whether sixty or sixteen, there is in every being’s heart the lure of
wonder, the unfailing child-like appetite of what’s next, and the joy of the game of living. In the center of your heart and my heart there is a wireless station; so long as it receives messages of beauty, hope, cheer, courage and power from men and from the infinite, so long are you young. When the aerials are down, and your spirit is covered with snows of cynicism and the ice of pessimism, then you are grown old, even at twenty, but as long as your aerials are up, to catch the waves of optimism, there is hope you may die young at eighty.-----Samuel Ullman
[注释]：
rosy cheeks: 玫瑰花般的脸颊
supple : readily bent; pliant 柔软的
vigor : physical or mental strength, energy, or force 精力，活力
temperamental : excessively sensitive or irritable; moody 心情变化快的，喜怒无常的 predominance : the state or quality of being predominant; preponderance 优势
timidity : shy 胆怯的，害羞的
appetite : 食欲，胃口，欲望，爱好
desert : 放弃，遗弃
wrinkle : to draw up into wrinkles; pucker 起皱
enthusiasm : great excitement for or interest in a subject or cause 狂热，热心，积极性 wireless : 无线的
infinite : having no limits 无限的，无穷的
aerial : 天线
cynicism : a scornful, bitterly mocking comment or act 玩世不恭，冷嘲热讽
pessimism : a tendency to stress the negative or unfavorable possible view 悲观，悲观主义 optimism : a tendency to expect the best possible outcome or dwell on the most hopeful aspects of a situation 乐观，乐观主义
塞缪尔·厄尔曼，1840 年生于德国，童年时移居美国。他在古稀之年才开始写作，是一个 了不起的人。（本文由于手抄流传等多种原因，存在多个版本，这里采用作者原文。）
Day 2 The Mountain Story
这篇短文拨动了许多人的心弦。请你仔细品读，相信你也会从中得到启示。
A son and his father were walking on the mountains. Suddenly, his son falls, hurts
himself and screams, “AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!! ” To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain, “AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!! ”
Curious, he yells, “Who are you?” He receives the answer, “Who are you?” Angered at the response, he screams, “Coward! ” He receives the answer,
“Coward! ” He looks to his father and asks, “What’s going on?” The father smiles and says, “My son, pay attention.” And then he screams to the mountain, “I admire you!” The voice answers, “I admire you!” Again the man screams, “You are a champion!” The voice answers, “You are a champion!” The boy is surprised, but does not understand. Then the father explains, “People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions. If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart. If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence. This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life; Life will give you back everything you have given to it.”
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT’S A REFLECTION OF
YOU!
[注释]：
scream : to make a loud, piercing sound 喊叫，尖叫
coward : one who shows ignoble fear in the face of danger or pain 懦夫，胆小的人 echo : to repeat (a sound) by the reflection of sound waves from a surface 回声
competence : a specific range of skill, knowledge, or ability 能力
coincidence : a sequence of events that although accidental seems to have been planned or arranged 巧合
Day 3 Two Fables
寓言大都是代代流传、寓意深远的故事，常常以物比人，又可以以古喻今。
The Donkey and the Grasshopper
A donkey heard some grasshoppers chirping. He was enchanted and also wanted to possess their charming melody. He asked, “What food do you eat to give you such beautiful voices?” They replied, “The dew.” The donkey then decided that he would only eat dew. In a short time, he died of hunger. The Kingdom of the Lion The animals of the forest had a lion as their king. He was neither cruel, nor tyrannical, but a just and gentle king. As king, he made a royal proclamation for a general assembly of all the animals. He passed a law, stating, “All animals will now live together in perfect peace and friendship. The wolf and the lamb, the cat and the bird, the tiger and the deer, the fox and the rabbit, will no longer be enemies.” The rabbit said, “ Oh, how I have longed to see this day, in which the weak will be equal to the strong.” And after saying this, he ran for his life.
[注释]：
donkey : the act of proclaiming or the condition of being proclaimed 宣布
assembly : 集合，大会，大集会
Day 4
Does It Make a Difference
这个故事可以让我们反复思考并放飞心灵。
An old man was walking along the beach one evening at low tide. He noticed that thousands of starfish had been stranded on the sand by the receding waters. In the course of his walk he came upon a young man who was picking up some of the
starfish and throwing them back into the sea. “What are you doing?” the old man asked. “Oh, just saving some starfish,” the young man replied.“Well, you’re a fool, ” the old man told him. “Really? ” replied the young man, “What makes you say so?” “Well, just look at all the starfish on this beach. There are thousands of them. ” The old man looked around and then at the young man. “You don’t have the time nor the energy to save all of them. Your
saving a few starfish is nice, but in the larger scheme of things it’s ridiculous. What difference could you possibly make?” The young man looked at the old man for a moment. Then wordlessly, he bent down, picked up a starfish, and threw it far out into the water. “Well, ” he said, putting his hands on his hips in satisfaction, “I made a big difference to that one.” And he tossed another into the ocean, “and this one”, tossed, “and this one...”
[注释]：
starfish : 海星
strand : 搁浅，使搁浅
recede : to move back or away from a limit, point, or mark 后退
toss : the act of tossing or the condition of being tossed 投，掷
Day 5 Jane Eyre (excerpt)
“⋯⋯仿佛我们两人穿过坟墓，站在上帝脚下，彼此平等——本来就如此! ”
——这是小说《简·爱》里面简和罗切斯特最经典的对白。
“No. You must stay! I swear it — and the oath shall be kept”.
“I tell you I must go!” I retorted, roused to something like passion.
“Do you think I can stay to become nothing to you? Do you think I am an automaton? — a machine without feeling? and can bear to have my morsel of bread snatched from my lips，and my drop of living water dashed from my cup? Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! — I have as much soul as you, — and full as much heart! And if God had gifted me with some beauty and much wealth, I should have made it as hard for you to leave me, as it is now for me to leave you. I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities，nor even of mortal flesh — it is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God’s feet, equal — as we
are! ” —— Charlotte Bronte
[注释]：
swear : to make a solemn promise; vow 发誓
oath : the words or formula of such a declaration or promise 誓言
retort : to present a counterargument 反驳，反击
automaton : a self-operating machine or mechanism, especially a robot 机器人
morsel : a small amount; a piece (食物) 一口，少量
snatch : to grasp or seize hastily, eagerly, or suddenly 攫取
dash : to splash; bespatter 泼溅
obscure : of undistinguished or humble station or reputation 身份卑微的
conventionality : the state, quality or character of being conventional 惯例，俗套，老一套 mortal : of or relating to humankind; human 人类的
grave : an excavation for the interment of a corpse 墓穴，坟墓
夏洛蒂·勃朗特的《简·爱》通过简·爱的自述，描绘了一个出身贫苦家庭、长相平凡、无 依无靠的女家庭教师的曲折遭遇。简，成为纯洁、热情、坦率、热爱真理、
敢于追求幸福的女性的象征，因而形象鲜明。作品成功之处还在于从作者对
人性的描述中，我们隐约看到了自己——卑劣或美丽的人性，而觉得心有戚
戚焉。
Day 6 Rave the Day
“Rave ”一词也算个时尚字眼，那么何为“Rave party”，仔细看看下面的短文。
It’s four in the morning. Outside, the night is quiet, and most people have been asleep for hours. Inside the club it’s a different story. It could be a club in Los Angeles or London, Tel Aviv or Shanghai, and its walls are vibrating. The thumping techno beat of the music is that loud, and it is driving and energizing the dancers in the club. Arms flail, heads bounce up and down, and somebody is waving a pair of green neon glow sticks in the air. They’ve been dancing like this for hours, and they don’t plan to quit any time soon. When they finally leave the club, the sun will be up. They’ll be sweaty and exhausted, but also exhilarated, and happy. It’s a rave. Simply defined, a rave is a party — often an all-night-long party — at which some form of electronic,
synthesized music is played. The music is usually played by a DJ (deejay), who might specialize in one of the many varieties of electronica — techno, house, trance,
ambient, hardcore, jungle, or drum and bass. Or he might play a little of everything, guiding the crowd to find the right feeling, and to bring the music and all the dancers into happy.
[注释]：
vibrate : to cause to tremble or quiver (使) 摇摆
thump : to hit or fall in such a way as to produce a thump; pound 砰然地响
beat : a regular, rhythmical unit of time 拍子
energize : to give energy to; activate or invigorate 使活跃，给予精力
flail : to wave or swing vigorously; thrash 挥动，用力打
bounce : to move jerkily; bump 剧烈运动
neon : ［化］氖
exhilarate : 使高兴，使愉快
define : to state the precise meaning of (a word or sense of a word, for example) 定义 synthesize : to form a synthesis 综合
specialize : to pursue a special activity, occupation, or field of study 专攻，专门研究 variety : the quality or condition of being various or varied; diversity 变化，多样性
Day 7 Winner Never Quit
卡夫卡说，“受难”是这个世界和积极因素之间惟一的联系。当我们用不屈服的人生态 度面对生命中的磨难时，我们才不会在生命的快乐中缺席。
是的，只要坚持，希望的翅膀终有一天会张开，飞翔天上。
A little girl—the 20th of 22 children, was born prematurely and her survival was doubtful. When she was 4 years old, she contracted double pneumonia and scarlet fever, which left her with a paralysed left leg. At age 9, she removed the metal leg brace she had been dependent on and began to walk without it. By 13 she had developed a rhythmic walk, which doctors said was a miracle. That same year she decided to become a runner. She entered a race and came in last. For the next few years every race she entered, she came in last. Everyone told her to quit, but she kept on running. One day she actually won a race, and then another. From then on she won every race she entered. Eventually this little girl—Wilma Rudolph, went on to win three Olympic gold medals. Winner never quit!
[注释]：
prematurely : 早产地
pneumonia : 肺炎
scarlet fever：猩红热
paralyse : to affect with paralysis; cause to be paralytic 使麻痹；引起瘫痪
Time for Fun
本段文字选自马克吐温的《汤姆·索亚历险记》。这是一段两个孩子打架时的对话，一 来一往，互不示弱，充分体现童言风格，十分精彩。
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer
“I can lick you!”
“I ’d like to see you try it.”
“Well, I can do it.”
“No, you can’t, either.”
“Yes, I can.”
“No, you can’t.”
“I can.”
“You can’t.”
“Can. ”
“Can’t.” ----Mark Twain
下面几篇有趣的笑话，让人忍俊不禁。不妨讲给你的朋友们听，让他们也分享这小小的快乐， 且又锻炼了英语表达能力，可谓一举多得。
Important to Learn a Second Language
A family of mice was being chased by a big cat. Father Mouse jumped and said,
“Bow-wow! ” The surprised cat ran away scared. “What was that, Father?” asked Baby Mouse. “Well, son, that’s why it’s important to learn a second language.”
Wherever I Touch, It Hurts
A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.” The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee— OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you—you’ve broken your finger!”
What can I do?
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed over. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator says, “Calm down, I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, “OK, now what? ”
Whose Father was the Stronger
Will and Bill were quarrelling about whose father was the stronger. Will said, “Well, you know the Pacific Ocean? My father’s the one who dug the hole for it.”
Bill wasn’t impressed, “Well, that’s nothing. You know the Dead Sea? My father’s the one who killed it!”
“Good-bye, Money.”
On a trip to Disney once we were.
World in Florida, my husband and I and our two children devoted ourselves wholeheartedly to the wonders of this attraction. After three exhausting days, we headed for home.
As we drove away, our son waved and said, “Good-bye, Mickey.”
Our daughter waved and said, “Good-bye, Minnie.”
My husband waved, rather weakly, and said, “Good-bye, Money.”