英文笑话
一眼就看中
The girl found the go-between and said, "You cheated me ! One of his eyes is not true. Why didn't you tell me this before ?"
"I have told you. " said the go-between with justice on his side, When you met first, I told you that he settled on you with one eye.
Notes:
(1) go-between n.媒人
(2) settle on选定；决定
Exercises: 根据短文判断下列句子正（T ）、（F ）：
① The girl was angry with the go-between for having cheated her.
② The girl married the one-eyed man.
③ The go-between hadn't told the girl the fact.
④ The go-between thought that justice was on his side.
⑤ The girl hadn't fully understood the go-between's words.
112. 一眼就看中
姑娘找到媒人，说：“你欺骗了我。他的一只眼是假眼，你以前为什么不告诉我？” “怎么没告诉你？”媒人也不甘示弱，“你们第一回见面后，我就说，他一眼就看中你了。”
借公牛一用
Once upon a time, there lived a rich man, but he didn't know any words.
One day, one of his friends wanted to borrow an ox from him, so he wrote a note and asked his servant to take it to this rich man.
After the servant gave the note to the rich man, he pretended to be reading it and after a while, he said, "OK, I know. Go and tell your master, I'll go myself shortly. Notes:
(1) he pretended to be reading it他假装读着字条。
(2) pretend to do佯装做
Exercises:根据短文回答下列问题：
① When did the story take place?
② What problem did the rich man have?
③ What did his friend want to borrow from him?
④ Who took the note to the rich man?
⑤ The rich man made a fool of himself, didn't he?
111. 借公牛一用
从前，有个人很富有，但他不识字。 一天，他的一位朋友想向他借一头公牛，便写了个条，让仆人送到富人那里。
仆人把条子给了富人。富人便假装看了一会儿，然后说道：“好啦，我知道了。回去告诉你的主人，我马上自己过去。”
练习参考答案：
① A long time ago.
② He didn't know and words.
③ An ox.
④ The servant.
⑤ Yes, he did.
You may select可以选择
The husband complained that his wife always cooked the same dish.
One day, the husband got home and asked his wife, "My dear, what will we eat today?" The wife said, "You may select the dish today."
The husband was very glad and asked, "Which dishes are there today?"
"Cabbage."
"The others?"
"None."
"Then how to select?"
"Eat or not eat!" the wife said.
Notes:
(1) complain v.抱怨
(2) cabbage n.白菜
Exercises:
根据短文选择正确答案：
① What did the husband complain about?
A. His wife sometimes cooked the same dish.
B. His wife seldom cooked the same dish.
C. His wife always cooked the same dish.
D. His wife didn't cook any dish.
② What question did the husband ask one day?
A. He asked what they would cat.
B. He asked if there was anything to eat.
C. He asked if there was any meat.
D. He asked if there was any cabbage.
③ The wife told him that_____ .
A. there was no meat
B. there was a lot of cabbage
C. he could select the dish
D. he could cook some other dishes
④ The husband was at first_____ .
A. very disappointed
B. very angry
C. very sad
D. very glad
⑤ We can be sure that_____ .
A. the family had nothing to eat on that day
B. the family had only one dish on that day
C. the family had several dishes an that day
D. the family went out to a restaurant on that day
119. 可以选择
丈夫抱怨妻子总是做同样的一种菜。
一天，丈夫回到家，问妻子：“亲爱的，今天我们吃啥菜？”
妻子回答：“今天你可以选择。”
丈夫感到非常高兴，又问：“都有哪些菜呢？”
“炒白菜。”
“还有呢？”
“没了。”
“那你要我怎么选呢？”
“吃还是不吃！”妻子一本正经地说道。
练习参考答案：
①C ②A ③C ④D ⑤B
What color 什么颜色
An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?" "It's a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It's a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was.
"Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"
Notes:
(1) impoverished adj.穷困的
(2) South Carolina 南卡罗莱那（美国州名）
(3) inform v.告知
(4) contain v.控制（情绪等）
(5) enthusiasm n.热情
(6) typical adj.典型的
(7) stick shift 手排挡
(8) tape deck 磁带舱
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正（T ）、（F ）：
① The graduate student couldn't afford a car himself.
② Whe n his father told him that a car had been bought for him he was excited.
③ He controlled his excitement and didn't ask any questions.
④ He wanted a car with a stick shift.
⑤ He got a second-hand colored car.
什么颜色
作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生，我囊中羞涩，当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时，我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情，问了爸爸几个关键问题：“什么车？有没有手排挡？有没有磁带舱？”
“是1982年产丰田车，”他回答说，“四速，还有，是的，有磁带舱。”我甚是高兴，又问是什么颜色的。
“哦，”他很不舒服地说，“你指哪一部分？”
练习参考答案：
①T②T③F④T⑤T
A woman’s answer妇女的回答
A husband said to his wife, " Why did God create women to be beautiful but foolish?"
"Well," his wife answered at once." The reason is very simple. God made us beautiful so men would love us; God made us foolish so we would marry them." Notes:
(1) create v.创造
(2) foolish adj.愚蠢的
Exercises:
根据短文回答下列问题：
① Who were talking to each other?
② What question did the husband raise?
③ The wife thought for a while before she answered, didn't she? ④ How did the wife think of the reason?
⑤ How did she answer the question?
114. 妇女的回答
一位丈夫对他的妻子说：“为什么上帝把妇女创造得如此美丽却又愚蠢呢？”
“噢，”他的妻子立刻回答道，“原因很简单。上帝使我们如此美丽，男人才会爱我们。上帝使我们如此愚蠢，我们才会嫁给他们。”
A Speeding Motorist超速的司机
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back. Notes:
(1) patrol n.巡逻
(2) blinking adj.闪烁的
(3) siren n.警笛
(4) pull over（将车、船等）开向一边让其他车、船超越
(5) run off with（sb. ）与„私奔
Exercises:
根据短文判断下列句子正（T ）、（F ）：
① The motorist speeded on the highway.
② The motorist didn't know what blinking lights and siren meant. ③ The driver didn't pull over.
④ The motorist's wife ran off with the policeman last month. ⑤ The motorist didn't expect his wife to come back to him.
121. 超速的司机
一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗？”他责问道。
“知道，长官，”司机回答说。
“那你为什么不立即靠边停车？”
“我本来想这样做的，长官。”那男子回答说，“但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她带回来。”
练习参考答案：
① T②F③F④F⑤T
I you and she我你他
Peter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: 1, You and She. T Peter was a clever boy. On his first day at school, he learned three words: 1, You and She. The teacher taught him how to make sentences with those words. The teacher said," I, I am your teacher; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your classmate; You, You are my student.
When Peter went home, his father asked him what he had learned at school. Peter said at once, " I, I am your teacher; (then pointing to his mother) She, She is your classmate; You, You are my student His father got angry and said, "I, I am your father; (then pointing to his wife) She, She is your mother; You, You are my son.
The next morning at school, the teacher asked Peter if he had learned the three words by heart. "Yes," he said proudly, "I, I am your father; (then pointing to a girl) She, She is your mother; You, You are my son."
Notes:
(1) learn sth. by heart谙记；能背出
(2) proudly adv.自豪地
Exercises:
根据短文回答下列问题：
① What did Peter learn on his first day at school?
② How many sentences did the teacher teach him?
③ Who asked him a question when Peter went home?
④ How did his father feel when he heard Peter's sentences?
⑤ What sentences did his father teach him?
118. 我，你，她
彼得是个聪明的孩子。在学校的第一天，他学了三个词：我，你，她。老师教他如何用这三个词造句子。老师说：“我，我是你的老师；（然后指着一个女孩）她，她是你的同学；
你，你是我的学生。”
彼得回到家里，爸爸问他学了什么。彼得马上说：“我，我是你的老师；（然后指着他的妈妈）她，她是你的同学；你，你是我的学生。”他的爸爸听了非常生气，说：“我，我是你的爸爸；（然后指着他的妻子）她，她是你的妈妈；你，你是我的儿子。”
第二天，老师问彼得是否用心学那三个词了。“是的，”彼得自豪地说，“我，我是你的爸爸；（然后指着一个女孩）她，她是你的妈妈；你，你是我的儿子。”
怎么向老外介绍中国春节？
What does the holiday mean?这个节日有什么含义吗？
The term "pass year" is used for the Spring Festival (Chinese New Year). The word "Year" in
Chinese characters used to mean a horrible beast. To combat the beast, the Chinese hang "good luck" wishes on red paper on the door and use fireworks in the belief that the beast fears red and fire. This tradition in many ways resemble the Western belief of using garlic and crosses to fight vampires.
中文中“过年”这个词组用以表示对春节（中国新年）的庆祝。“年”这个字在中文里是一种恐怖的怪兽。因为“年”害怕红色和火，所以中国人会在门上悬挂“春联”写上美好祝福，并放鞭炮来赶跑它。这个传统有点类似西方人用大蒜和十字架吓跑吸血鬼的传统。
Why New Year is so special?为什么新年那么特别呢？
The Chinese zodiac features 12 animals in the sequence of Rat, Ox, Tiger, Rabbit, Dragon, Snake, Horse, Sheep, Monkey, Rooster, Dog, and Pig. This year is the year of Tiger. Each animal
represents a different "personality". According to legend, people held a conference with all the animals, informing them that they would pick the 12 to represent the zodiac. However, in spite of being fast, the cat was not picked as its then-close friend, the rat, did not wake it. This action sparked off a rivalry that continues till this day.
中国的十二生肖代表了十二种动物，他们的顺序是：鼠、牛、兔、龙、蛇、马、羊、猴、鸡、狗和猪。今年是虎年。每一种动物有他们自己的“性格”。根据传说，人们当初和动物们开了一个会，最先到会的动物们就可以进入十二生肖。而身为猫最好的朋友，老鼠却没有把猫叫醒去开会。因此，它们之间的战争一直持续到今天。
What do people do?那人们在新年都干啥呢？
Eat, eat again, and then eat some more! As the old Chinese saying goes: food is everything. 吃、接着吃、再吃更多东西！就跟一句中国古话说的那样：食物即一切。（沪江小编：这算是哪门子“中国古话”！？）
The tradition is to have different main courses everyday from the 1st day of the New Year to the 15th day of the New Year, from Jiao Zi (dumplings), noodles, spring rolls, sticky rice cakes, and Tang Yuan (stuffed rice balls). Besides culinary satisfaction, each food has a meaning as well: for instance, Jiao Zi looks like gold, implying a wealthy year ahead.
传统就是，从新年第一天开始直到正月十五，每天都要吃不同的主菜。从饺子、面条、春卷、年糕到汤圆。除了祭好五脏庙以外，每一种食物也有含义：比如饺子看起来就像金元宝，这意味来年的丰衣足食。
Besides eating, young people visit older family members and kids are blessed with a red pack of "lucky" money. And then, people gather and eat again (!), leading to a lot of advertisements about fitness right after the Chinese New Year holiday.
除了吃以外，年轻人要去拜会家里的老人家，而小盆友们就有大把压岁钱拿。跟着，人们又聚在一起吃，所以节后中国就会出现很多减肥广告……（沪江小编：写这东西的老外看就知道被骗了。这是哪家的规矩……不过没事，大家随机应变、等见了老外把真正的中国习俗告诉他们吧。）
Happy Chinese New year!!!
special occasions special expressions.祝福语
节日祝福:Holiday Wishes
节日快乐 Happy holiday!
给您拜年 Happy New Year!
恭喜发财 Wishing you good fortune!
万事如意 May everything go as you wish!
合家欢乐 May your whole family enjoy happiness!
心想事成 May all your wishes come true!
工作顺利 May your work go smoothly!
学习进步 Wishing you progress in your studies!
晋升祝贺:
步步高升 May your career progress step by step!
好运连连 May luck always accompany you!
新婚祝福:
新婚快乐 Best wishes for a happy marriage!
早生贵子 May you soon have a son!
白头偕老 May you live together to a ripe old age!
百年好合 May your marriage last a hundred years!
花好月圆 May your marriage be like beautifl flowers and a round moon!
永结同心 Together forever!
五个手指怎么说
手可是我们身体上很重要的一个器官哦，大家都知道手叫hand ，那你知不知道五个手指在英语中都怎么表达呢？我们一一来看一下。
大拇指——thumb
英语里称呼大拇指为thumb 。五指相互配合会很灵活，那要是五个都是大拇指呢？就会是非常不灵光了。英语里的all(fingers and ) thumbs表示的就是“笨手笨脚”的意思，例如：
（1）I'm all fingers and thumbs this morning. I don't seem to be able to button up my shirt.
今天早上我的手怎么这么笨呢，好像连衬衫都扣不上了。
（2）He was so excited that his fingers were all thumbs and he dropped the teacup.
他激动得手都不好使了，竟把茶杯摔了。
食指——forefinger
又叫做index finger。前缀fore-表示“位置靠前的”（placed at the front）。从功用上看，这个手指伸出时有标示或指向的作用。在一些英语工具书中，我们会见到这样的表示“参见（”index ）含义的手型符号。
中指——middle finger
此指居中，名正言顺，和汉语说法也是很一致哦。
无名指——ring finger
从世界各地的婚俗习惯来说，结婚戒指（wedding ring）戴在这一手指（通常指左手）之上，表示已婚，所以无名指就成了ring finger了。
小指——little finger
小指果然是很“小”。在美国和苏格兰，人们又赋予它一个爱称，管它叫 pinkie(pinky)，因为后缀-ie(-y)有“小巧可爱”的意思。
现在，都认识我们的老朋友了吧？五指长短不一，各有各的用处，但只有相互协作才能发挥最大的功能。